As a couples’ therapist, there are five charged topics that come up consistently in sessions.
5. Sex or f***ing
Chances are you and your partner differs in how you see, feel, and manage one or more of these subjects. For example, someone who predominately views money as security often finds himself or herself with someone who views it as an opportunity. An introvert marries an extravert. One spouse comes from a collective family (family places more significance on group cohesiveness and achievement) and their mate is from an individualistic family (family places more significance on individual success and accomplishments).
The above topics can be difficult to navigate because they represent bigger beliefs, emotions, and behaviors then just the surface conversation. One thinks they are talking about what to do with $500 dollars. However, they are also talking about one person wanting to save it so they feel secure financially and one wants the opportunity to take a vacation. This conversation can lead to one feeling unsafe and the other feeling deprived.
How can you respect and value each person’s perspective so collaboration can happen? Is there a way to approach the topic with curiosity? What can you learn about your partner? Where did you learn about the meaning of money, family, friends, activities for enjoyment, and sex? How do you share this information with your spouse?