Relationships have conflict and disagreements. Fighting can be healthy and connective or a damaging, hostile, yelling match. There are ways to keep communication and problem solving productive, even during times of stress and tension.
Here are few fair fighting tips to help in heated moments:
1. You can be right or happy: Being “right” isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Arguing a point to death doesn’t solve the problem or bring people closer. Even if you “win,” you lose.
2. Everyone makes mistakes. Your role is life is to not correct others.
3. Blame sucks: Use “I” statements when in a tense situation. It keeps you accountable without making accusations.
4. Whining is lame: Criticizing others using starts the cross complaining. A vicious, ugly, negative downward spiral. You only have control of you. Energy can be better spend evaluating how you can approach the situation more effectively.
5. Stick to topic: Bringing up what happened last week, especially if it does not pertain to want you are currently discussing, derails and prolongs the conflict.
6. Know when to ask for forgiveness: A true apology entails an articulate reason why you are sorry with conscious, committed effort not to do it again.
7. Forgive: Let go and be willing to forgive when asked–with no strings or guilt.