Couple sitting apart.
“Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.” -Unknown
One of the biggest misconceptions from couples is that their marriage would be saved if only their spouse changed and started meeting their needs.  Clients often give me interesting looks when I disagree.  Spouses are not here to soothe us, fix us, or take care of us.
Relationships are meant to help us grow as an individual.  If we can hold onto ourselves while being intimately connected to someone we love, we can do anything.  To do this, we need to learn:
  • how to manage our own emotion and pain
  • to make unilateral decision and/or disclosures (even if our lover may disapprove)
  • focus on keeping our integrity even when it is difficult or their is pressure to conform
The benefits for becoming interdependent in our most important relationships:
  • incredible self worth
  • hot sex
  • healthy, strongly connected partnership
This perspective on relationships was first introduced in graduate school. Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch was a requirement in a couples course.  Attached is a link giving insight into Schnarch’s approach to finding love, passion, and great sex in relationships: 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/how-grow